You Shall Pursue

April 18, 2012

Four months and counting

Filed under: Rabbinical School — marleyweiner @ 1:42 am

In four and a half months, the rest of my life begins. I mean, obviously my life is always beginning, starting, re-starting. But. When you have had a particular goal for nearly eight years, it feels like a momentous occasion when you finally stand on the road that leads straight to that goal. Everything I’ve done up to this point has been leading me here, but the road has been twisty, dirt paved sometimes. There is something thrilling and incredibly anxiety producing about knowing that the count down starts here.

I’ve known that I wanted to be a rabbi since I was 17 years old. It’s the only path I could ever imagine for myself in that whole time. The closest possible analogy I can think of (since I hate the term “called”) is that it was like discovering my soul mate at 17. Nobody actually believes you, because 17 year-old’s aren’t exactly known for their constancy, and yet. Somehow it’s worked out. When I got the acceptance email a few months ago, I broke down sobbing. It was like getting a proposal, only infinitely more rewarding, because I got to this place all on my own.

And now? Well now I’m starting to freak out a little bit (I’ve been freaking out for the past year and a half, but I’m not known for my laid back temperament). Because it’s not just the path to the career that I’ve wanted for such a long time, it is also about taking the next five years to make some seriously scary decisions about the sort of adult I want to be. I mean, I’ve been thinking about these things already, because I am an expert grade-A navel gazer, but now shit gets hard. I start to grow into this role I chose for myself when I didn’t realize the very real sacrifices that it would mean down the line. And that is scary. Because nothing in life is a neat little box.

Advertisements

Leave a Comment »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: